An Important Note For DCA

Due to all of the controversy surrounding my I&E solo at this years DCA World Championships, including a multitude of complaints from enraged DCA competitors, I hereby apologize to everyone for the inappropriate topic of my DCA snare drum solo, aka Vampire [BLEEP]. Yes, my friends, you win. I officially cave to the pressure you have all exerted on me and the complaints you have filed. I have changed the concept of my DCA I&E snare drum solo.

Instead of Vampire [BLEEP], the new title of my snare solo is “Umpires Lebanese,” and will feature various refugees from Lebanon dressed in the the garb of the most prolific Major League Baseball umpires of the last 100 years. I also have extended an invitation of the Mayor of Lebanon, Pennsylvania to serve as the guy who comes out on stage and sets up my snare drum. Instead of a chaotic Vampire [BLEEP] scene, I will instead surround myself with Lebanese Umpires and will play the traditional time-honored 1928 drum solo entitled “Downfall of Paris.” This was, I can pay tribute to a non-controversial subject — baseball — and still give the refugees from Lebanon something to do besides run from Israeli bombs and try to not answer the phone when their enraged Hezbollian cousins call to borrow the family Scud. To close out the solo, I will lead the crowd in a rousing rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game.

My apologies to everyone in DCA, DCI, FBI, CIA and the States of New York and New Jersey who may have been offended by the original concept of my DCA I&E snare drum solo.

I would also like to say that everything you have just read is a complete lie.

Furthermore, I hereby announce that Mistress Kelli is the most recent addition to the Lebanese Umpire … errrrr … Vampire [BLEEP] lineup.

DCA Snare Drum I&E 2006: Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.