Once upon a time, the Renegades had one cymbal player.
His name was Ben.
Ben had no friends …
in the Renegades cymbal line.
He was all alone.
As the season progressed, the Renegades staff, members and alumni grew concerned about Ben.
So did Hammy, one of the founders of the Renegades.
“Ben needs friends” they thought.
Or the Renegades might not have a cymbal line anymore.
Then one day, evil cymbal instructor Stuart put down his music, and did a flying ninja lunging throat kick, aimed at no one in particular.
Then, he stunned the Renegades when he demonstrated the ninja art of illusion, using only drum sticks to instantly become nearly indistinguishable from a goal post.
“We will teach ninja skills … as part of the cymbal program!” Stuart yelled.
At first, Ben was not sure about this strategy.
The Heckmans were also skeptical.
But it was their birthday, which they celebrated with a Pepsi.
Othew Renegades, however, thought that teaching ninja skills was a great idea.
They demonstrated their approval of Stuart’s idea not with applause, but with displays of great aerodynamic stealth.
Within minutes of the announcement, the Renegades had another cymbal player. Her name was Ashley.
Ashley knew that she could help the ninja program, as she spoke 14 languages, including Apache and Serbo-Croatian … both of which could be helpful if DCA ever gets moved to Montana or Serbia.
Below, is cymbal player #2, Miles Davis.
Yes, that’s his real name.
Under that hat, lies 14 oz of MOSAD-grade plastic explosive, which can be deployed to help the cymbals escape from drill rehearsal at any moment.
Below, Cymbal player #3 is Harry Potter.
No, that is not his real last name. I just made that up.
Harry’s special skill is underwater ninja techique. Harry can hold his breath for up to 3 hours at a time, and once followed a dolphin to Catalina Island.
Below, cymbal player #4, aka “Ninja X,” … a former NFL player, who played 2 seasons with the Bengals. Ninja X’s special skills include the ability to run as fast as the kid from the Incredibles, and to ruin the playoff hopes of the Steelers once in a while.
Suddenly, Ben had friends.
with ninja skills.
Ben was happy.
So was Hammy.